The One

So ‘the One’ campaign got my thoughts running. I read the online ‘backlash’ over it and the various comments and all I could mummer was mmh. You see, for me two thoughts lingered;

One was the good Lord had used these people to push the campaign further and deeper. Regardless of what their views were, am sure one person out there was curious about this whole thing and found themselves wanting to know more than people’s opinions.

My other thought was, since when is it okay to have the world advertise events and yet it shouldn’t be okay for the gospel to be advertised. One of the posts said and I quote,

“If God called you, He will finish what He started. You don’t need to struggle, finding ways of marketing Him, finding ways of publicising Him, making all kinds of connections for Him.
Please don’t help God, He will help Himself; just avail yourself as an instrument.”

My inner spirit was awash with all sentiments over this. But since am currently training myself not to allow my emotions be easily swayed by people’s thoughts and opinions. I moved right on past the post knowing the truth.

And He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature. Mark 16:15

If I have to reach that one soul by being creative in my ‘publicising’ Jesus, Oh yes, I will!

Before I digress completely, I will leave that right there and go to THE ONE. First of all I was so excited about the one campaign and knew who I was going to be praying for in my head. But when Mosze explained how the one campaign was going to work, how I had to minister to the one, call them, go out for a meal with them. Pardon!! My brain immediately started searching for another ‘one’ hahaha! Why? Because I knew for a fact that I will not call or dine with my ’one.’ But within the same sigh God reminded of a time I took some time off a few years ago to pray for this one person who did not get saved at the time but is now even in theology school hehehe.

Let me tell you about my sister. My mother brought us up in the knowledge and love of Christ Jesus. We all greatly participated in church activities all the way from Sunday school. But along the way my older sister discovered life! ‘Hayaaa!!’ She did it all. Ate life with a big spoon, had a baby in her senior six, she was able to close the bars every week, made beautiful smoke rings etc. Our mother was helpless at that point. She had lost her sight due to glaucoma but also this was an adult already out of her home. What was she supposed to do?? She was a respected elder in the church but she had this one child that some people ‘judged’ her for as if their lives were so perfect.

She did what she knew best. Went on her knees for her daughter’s life. She begged me and the other siblings to do the same. I started off reluctantly but deep down I knew it was what I wanted too. Why was I reluctant? Because I personally felt like she was far too gone. I would see her leaving the bar at 6am. Our mutual friends would tell me what she was up to and my heart would just sink further each time. Our mother was ‘spared the vision’ and tales of all these and that’s why I felt sorry for her. She did not know or see the depth of how bad. My Imagination was that God could not pick my sister up again. The ship had long sailed away and I had taken a front row seat with the judging committee. But I prayed anyway.

Years went by and at some point, for about 2 months she went AWOL. When she surfaced it was;

“I have class, am doing bible school.” I was in utter shock! Questions in my head, since when? What happened? Are you okay? (Do you see doubting Thomas’s sister? hehehe) I talked to mum after she was gone and I said, “I am holding my breath over this one.” And she said to me, “I thought we were praying together.”

Well, my ‘far too gone’ sister now leads our family altar and is just about to finish theology school. So yes, our God does not know ‘far too gone.’ He will go after that one person regardless! Do not give up on them no matter how bad it seems.

#theyhavenotearnedit

#theydonotdeserveit

#hewantsthem

#Recklesslove

Cream!

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Finding Him.

You know when you reach a point in life when you understand God on a whole different level? When you start to feel him inside your bones? Let me try to speak to someone out there…
I literally grew up in the church. Rightly put, my mother made sure me and my siblings not only knew the Lord but we were also involved in ministry. From Sunday school to youth ministry things to campus I have always known God and the power of his resurrection (pun Intended). Read his word, could quote ‘normal’ (the usual) scripture whenever, wherever, went for camps, retreats, conferences. The whole shebang!! Now do you understand what level of Christ I had in me or so I thought?

Buuut when people would say, God has told them ABC. I would wonder… eh, yiiyi how? They must be too spiritual to walk this earth normally. Maybe they float. Are they are like Moses, Noah and ‘gundi’ in the bible?? WOW! How holy?? How special? Eiish! they must have never sinned, in thought, word and deed. Through negligence, through weakness, through their own deliberate fault. I only believed that portion was for pastors, reverends and the like. ‘Mbu’ my sheep hear my voice and they whaattiiii?? Gosh! I did not relate with such things.

And theeen come 2018, God stripped me of everything I held valuable in life at the time. My job, my family and so many other things ( story for another day). I think I say that wrong. He did not strip me of them, he asked me to let them go. I did, and he took me on a journey I am now grateful for. It was my turn; to understand God deeply, walk with him, be filled with the Holy Spirit and discover he has been speaking to me for a long long time but I just did not know it was him. All this time when a random song or scripture would come to my mind, I would just wonder why and move right on. People, revelation and discernment are important in your walk with Christ. I look back and can see the many times he spoke to me and I decided my own apparently rightful things,…stupid child! Point is, I did not feel like and neither was I fire spitting, demon chasing, tongue speaking material. So why would God be speaking to me? I left things of the generals to the generals and did the simple things like dance ministry that in my belief, did not require ‘hearing from God’ hehehe.

Perhaps it’s just being able to be still, listen and feel his presence and know when he is speaking. I used to roll my eyes at such statements… hahaha. Be still? Pray and wait to hear from God? I would sit there… 2min, 5min and by that time my mind is wandering off and still nothing would happen so I would just get up and go on with my day. If anything, I used to think and expect that he would speak with a booming loud voice. (For special effects and understanding, please use a booming loud voice with 3D effects in your own head)
“My Child, thou art the wrong path!!”
Now you get my drift, right?
But noooo no no that’s not it! In his big, glorious and awesome self he doesn’t do that – at least not for me. But when he does speak, it’s quite clear and calm. No need to startle his child hehehe. A particular stanza of a song will settle on your heart and even if you have heard it before, the words will at that moment hold a lot more value with a deeper understanding. You will read the same story of Moses and the Israelites crossing the red sea as you did at age 6. You know the story by heart. Even if you was woken up at gun point at 3am, you would tell it word for word like kaboozi ( conversation). But this time, that same story speaks to you and whatever you are going through. It makes sense!! And by the way not only the part of God parting the red sea but even the clouds that were formed as the Israelites moved will be a solution to what is on your mind. What am I saying? You will read the word and even just the scripture, ‘Jesus wept’ will minister to you from deep within your soul hehehe…. this God of ours!!

The gist of it all is when your eyes and ears are opened to his simplicity, the way his word will literally leap and make sooo much sense. The way you learn to speak to him like he is seated right next to you, and he will answer you even while you take a shower. Yes, I now have special moments like that. I can quote scripture from ‘strange’ books in the bible. Behold! people even have dreams about me and sometimes I know what God is trying to tell me. I now dream things that when Interpreted to me give me an epiphany moment. I am truly enjoying the Lord now and yet I don’t float, I walk this earth like everyone else hihihi.

Cream!

Finally…..

So After about 3 years, here I AM!! This right here takes the Procrastination Trophy in my life… 3 years later, Is when I am actually posting!! Warisdis!??? Anyway, I purposed to take the reins back concerning my life with all that I planned/purposed to do, and this is one of them. wululu!!! (Insert celebratory dance move of choice)

See quite a couple of times I had people tell me, ‘You need to start a blog.’ ‘You write quite interestingly.’ ‘what is the link to your blog?’ Am like – Wide eyed! My thoughts, It mainly works for celebrities, Intending celebrities and the like. As in they have people that want to be in their business and know what is going on all around and in them… I have no plan of being in that particular direction. I, Kesiime, usually have some sense of privacy even with my writing and was comfortable with posting my random things on FaceBook not Twitter, FaceBook! and only a year ago, did I get comfortable with Insta.  I did not have the comfort to just have a following that I had to let in on my life. Facebook was doing above and beyond – in my eyes. LOL! Well, Here is ME… Twist to it, is this time, It is assignment based hehehe. I have no way out. Otherwise, I could have put it aside again… (wink) and my trophy winner, would be ready to take it home – again! He always is, but not this time!!

So I have always loved writing especially about actual events in my life… I can be quite elaborate till I have actual imagery playing out in your mind so take a seat in the 5D section of my little brain as we do the life journey together. I write quite a bit to self, been writing emails to my now 2 year old daughter. I believe its one of the reasons I stopped writing or had no interest in writing on any social media platform. I was secretly getting my fix on the other side like a junkie! wink wink

And now, Here We Are! Full blown! To my friend, who once told me during church, ‘Do you not have Data anymore or is OTT the problem?’ ‘Tell me where the kizibu (problem) is, and I will sort you out.’ – Husky. I laughed and said, I would be back. Pssst… with no plan to! But YESSSS I Have Arrived, In the Parking and here to stay. Lets Do This!!!

Cream!

 

Being a Mother

The year was 1996. My father had passed on a couple of months before and here was my mother now having to deal with taking me to school or wherever and picking me up. This fine day, I don’t quite remember where we were coming from, but I remember it was a Saturday. I had my school bag on, was not wearing my uniform but had my favourite toy at the time in my hands. A Pingu. If you are born of my generation, you definitely know what Pingu is. He was black at the back, white at the front with huge round eyes and an orange beak. At that time, it was most likely the Dora or Ben 10 of this generation. What am I trying to say? I was a star to have Pingu at the time.

We got into a taxi home and I held it in my hands but dozed off on my mother’s lap. When we reached our destination, Bugolobi, my mother woke me up and we alighted the taxi. As we crossed the road, I realized that I did not have my Pingu. I stood stuck in the middle of the road, and pulled my mum’s skirt and asked her for my Pingu. She looked at me and asked me where I had placed it while dragging me across the road. I said it was in my hands but now I couldn’t find it hahaha. Kids answers…smh.

My mother then looked across and the taxi was setting off. I knew what that meant and I just started crying. She tried to convince me that she would get me another but I was not about to listen. Kindly note, there were no Boda Bodas at that time, only bicycles in the market. So there was clearly no way for her to go after the taxi. The guys at the stage start to ask what was wrong cos I was inconsolable. Please know that we were veterans in Bugolobi. The taxi stage guys knew my mum and all her children… as they always did for everyone. She explains, and they said not to worry, the taxi will come back. We should just wait. This taxi was going to go through Kitintale, Luzira to Portbell and then return. Todate, I remember the taxi was maroon in colour. We stood at the stage and waited as I was still crying! The Grace my mother had to stand there with a sobbing child for like 2hours, Yesu!!

The maroon taxi did return, I saw it turn off coming to Bugolobi and tagged on my mum. Who turned, and told the touts. I think in her head she must have prayed that the ’thing’ was still in because having to deal with me was clearly not fathomable. (Insert shy face) The touts and stage manager waved it down and as they were still trying to explain, I scampered in, found it on the floor, picked it up and walked out with a smile.

They all smiled and laughed at me because my heart was finally at peace. My mother thanked them and that was when I remembered to too Hehehe. Off we went home, my heart settled. Every time my Mum and siblings go over this story, they remind me to have the same patience with my daughter. I am not too sure I have the same grace my mother had with us even if people say I do really well with my Abby Wabby. I hope I can be half the mother my mother was to my Children!

Cream!

His Grace

I recently listened to teaching about the Grace of God that left me dumbfounded. The person used an analogy that resonated so well with my spirit and all I could say was WOW! This was their analogy, I hope it can sit in you that reads this, so deeply as it did me.

A little boy probably about 2 years old was at the airport with his parents. They announce a now boarding call and at that point, this little child decides to scamper off from his parents hehehe. If you have been a parent, you understand this age group. The time when they decide they are old enough to have their way but young enough to bully you to let them have their way. They honestly do not understand what they are asking for the whole time. They are just being 2-year-olds. So anyway, his all so loving Father trots after his child to grab him from going further away because they were nearer the line. Meanwhile, when the little munchkin notices his dad is coming after him, he tries to run a little faster hihihi. Like he was old enough to outrun his father. Dad gets a hold of him and lifts him off the ground. And Yep! as you can imagine, the little one starts kicking and slapping his father to let go of him. But his father tightens his grip on him. Even when he starts to wail, and ‘cry foul’ the Dad smiles at him and gives him a hug to calm him down. He goes ahead to tell him, “am sorry love, you can’t go in that direction now.”

This, my friends, is how God offers us his Grace. Three quarters the time we are most likely to deviate from his plans and we start to head in our own direction. Our loving God will always come chasing after us. Even when we ignore him, and fight him and his ways off, walk far far away from him. HE will still hold onto us with love and offer us Grace like we did not just choose our own ’right way.’ For HE knows he has better plans for us than what we are running after.

grace is an ocean_n

You can imagine if that child was left to go on his own merry way, what havoc he would have caused when it would finally dawn on him that, oh! Mum and Dad are nowhere in sight! The only two people he knows and recognizes are not anywhere near him. Hell would break loose in that airport. But his Father knew his little boy did not know what he was asking for. So he ran after him, grabbed him, and held onto him in his arms, with love regardless of how much he fought. And he did not hold his kicking and slapping against him. He actually did not register it. He just loved on him with a hug and spoke softly to him. That, friend, is our God. He does not register your wrongs. He loves you just the way you are. He will chase after you to keep you from harm and evil.  HE loves you!!

Cream!

This, my human nature!

Everyone has been in a pit where they felt like they can’t go on, or I can’t do this, or this is it, I give up! Now truth be told, there so many sermons and testimonies on people who had reached their end and given up but God in his all-powerful self-turned everything around. Truth be told when you listen to the testimony you are like wow! God is amazing, he can do mighty things! And theeen a day later you are wondering but,

“Eh! Nga my thing is too big!?” “Surely there is no way out of this one.”

Then you start to coin up solutions in your head. How do I get this done? Then you see how your mind starts to tell you how you can do ABC and maybe this will happen. Do the other then the other person will agree etc etc. I am not even going to tell you again how faithful our God is, because the truth is, HE is! But I would like to relate with you about our human nature. And no! I am not saying I am perfect, Not at all. In fact, I struggle just like anyone.

Oh! How quickly I forget? Of I can come out of one battle, straight into another one and guess what? I will somehow have forgotten how my awesome God sorted out the last battle. Okay no, let me put it this way. Deep down, I will know he did it the last time, he will do it again, but maawe! Usually, the next battle feels like it has a bigger mountain, not a hill. Like the enemy has more ammunition this time. Like the ocean is too wide and too deep, I can’t even see the shore. That’s the moment I usually start to think of how this will play out hehehe. And just by doing so, my heart gets heavier and heavier. All of a sudden my energy goes from 100% to 20% in that split second.

Siggghhh! Obviously, I then start to crawl back to my God with all the heaviness. I just want to throw up all my solutions at his feet so he can relieve me. But Whhhyyyy??? Why do I quickly forget? Hold up, I will not beat myself up, I choose to accept my weakness. I choose to boast all the more gladly in my weakness so that his strength can be manifested and made perfect in me.

HE alone understands my human nature and knows how to deal with me. HE alone is able to catch me before I dive deep into a sea of my own thoughts. HE alone sees my mountain as a bump. Only HE knows am already at the seashore. I will soon look back and wonder why I even dared to think up my own thoughts.

Cream!

Being Church

So I have a guy I have over the years trusted to do my market shopping. Either I will pick it up or he will deliver it home. Over the last 3 years, he has proved himself trustworthy, at least on my part. If I notice something is missing from my order, he will acknowledge if he forgot. Sometimes, he will be the one to call me and say,

”Madam, I bought the pineapple and forgot it with the gentleman.” “Can I bring it?”

My Guy is called Alex Baguma.

Now am not saying he is perfect, but I know where his weaknesses are and I have learnt how to manage them. Like Timekeeping. I have to tell him I will be there in 30 minutes for the food to be ready in 45mins to an hour. But I would rather work with him and his many other flaws that do not include the greed for money.

Psssst, every year he gets stuck in the village after Christmas hehe. I have to send him transport to come back to his job smh. We prorate the 20k refund in two weekends and all is well. You see, even when things are tight on his end, he will politely ask me to help out.

“Kwonka madam, today business has not been good.” “I kindly request that you leave this 5k balance with me, I will refund it next weekend.”

I understand him. Come the next weekend, he sure does refund or we balance ourselves on the payment. I may not necessarily need it, but am teaching him responsibility and to be a man of his word.

We have had that conversation on living carelessly. And I have told him before that if I find him doing drugs or high on alcohol, the business between us is over. And he keeps saying,

“Madam, I know it.” “I am just looking for money for my people in the village.”

Along the way, of course, a few of the other casual labourers within the same market, have seen him grow and have gotten offended. Thing is, I have not only kept him to myself. I have referred him to other friends. But the loyalty he has with me is amazing. He will call me on Saturday by noon if I have not yet sent the list or lists. He will tell me when something is in season and we can lower the fee for it and top up on something else.

About 2 months ago, for 3 weeks I could not reach him on the phone. On the third week is when he came to me as I was parking and said, “Eeeh madam, what did I do?” We talk about the past 2 weeks and I then call his phone while he is there and it dropped. I asked my friend to call his number and it was going through. I went to my contact on his phone only for us to realize somebody had apparently blocked my number on his phone. WoW!!

At that point, I decided I needed to make him my project out of poverty through his good work. Clearly, his colleagues have noticed he is climbing up and out and want to bring him down. We call them ‘harers!’ I will not let that happen all too easily. I hope to teach him to be a better steward of his money. My ‘Church’ with him is every Friday. I will do all I can to see Alex grow and start a business of his own.

Who are you being ‘Church’ with??

#CBOM

Playing Mummy

So my awesome 3 year old has recently developed a love for role play. I will get home and after the excitement of my return and she has told me how her day was, who did what and did not do the other, who did not sleep, who made susu on their beds or ‘pale.’ Who did not finish their food and she must tell me who cried. Hahaha! This child has photographic memory. It is amazing!

Any who… so after all that, she will usually give me about 5 mins and theeeennnn we have to play! As in there are no question about it. Tired or not, WE = Mummy and Abby, have to PLAY. Kindly note everyday she has something to add on hehehe. So this new role play thing, before I digress.

She walks over to me and says, “Mummy, Am the Mummy, you the baby. Okay?”

“Okay Abby.” I answer

We shall go through a whole morning drill of what I tell her as we get ready to get out of the house.

“Baby, have you finished your ‘beffast’?” “I leaving you.”

“My Baby, do you want to be a princess?” She asks as she picks up one of her dresses for me to fit in.

“Come brush hair.”

“Good girl, me high Five!”

“Baby, where is my Bag?” Please note, this is my bag that is now her bag.

Until we are in the car. “Baby, don’t stand, okay? Sit in your chair. Okay?” She says to me sternly’

“Ok mummy.” I answer softly

Drive the car out. (Picture me squeezing into a box with her…Insert Laughing emoji) “vooom voom” off we go to work.

We drive back after work and I have to dance and jump, “’my mummy’ has come back.”

All this, has registered for me in a deeper way. This little munchkin is soaking in all that I say and do. How I say and do it. The way she speaks to me softly and sternly with a pointy finger at the exact point she needs to do. Doing the things I do. Trying on 2 different shoes before walking out of the house hehehe.

Anyway, I have a whole lot of impartation to do. This is my seed. She is of my bones and flesh and it’s my responsibility to groom her into a kind and loving human being.  I choose to impart Christ and all that he is. So help me God.

Pssssst….. you should see her lift her hands in the air and sing, ‘What a ‘Bootifu’ name iri, What a ‘Bootifu’ name iri!!’(What a Beautiful name it is! – Hillsong)

Cream!

mum love

Smiling at God’s Goodness!

So about a month ago, I had a chat with one of my girls and she told me her mother was unwell. Now because she lives and works out of the country, she was worried. I on the other hand, said, “Lord, Noooo!” when I heard the news. Why? Because I am walking that very same journey with my mother and it is not an easy one.

Glaucoma, they call it! My mother lost her sight to it in 2008. It’s not one that causes pain so it’s easy to think one is well or will be well until the last minute. We woke up at the last minute. When my mother started losing her direction home. She would walk back from church to a different block or get into a different section of the block eiish! We tried all the eye specialists, doctors and professors around. But they all said it was too late. All they could give her were eye drops to maintain the very little hazy sight she had left.

From then on, I became her guide. She could not move out of the house alone anymore. I now had to take her to church. That has since been her only day out of the house. I remember some days when I felt like I was too tired and just wanted to sleep in having had a long week and there she was, up very early and dressed ready to go. It was and still is a sacrifice for me.

Having walked this journey for 10+ years, when I hear of anyone else on this road, I quickly encourage them to see a specialist almost immediately. My friend’s mother, was diagnosed with Glaucoma about a month ago. She has seen my struggle with mum so it was easy to talk through it with her but more importantly I kept praying that it wouldn’t get to mum’s level. I told mum and she was saddened too. She prayed about it recommended the professors to see and we left it at that.

But we serve a God of Miracles!! ‘Sambarry’ say, “Miracle working God!!” Hihihi the Lord changed the report!! My friend’s mother, Wulululu!!!  Of she saw six different specialists after a while and the last three said all was all clear! If it is not God, who is it??? They were already scheduling an operation appointment, she had been stripped of her driving permit. But SEE THE LORD!! I am so excited at his goodness and faithfulness. HE is a GOOD GOD!!

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When my heart aches…

So this evening my heart was turned over by a small incident that is still lingering 4 hours later hence I find myself writing…

I am out of the pharmacy and trying to open the car when there is a loud hoot. I look up to its direction just right in front of me. I see a boda guy starting his bike while helping his passenger who was standing by his side carry her other bags. The Lady, who was his passenger, held her baby who was covered up but still wheezing firmly in her hands with a medicine package underneath.

The car hoots again and an old gentleman sticks his head out and shouts impatiently, “Gwe owa boda vayo!” My headed tilted at that point with a facial expression of really?? He was not in anybody’s way or blocking traffic that he had to be impatient with the boda boda rider and his passenger. The Lady turns fully to face the glaring lights from his Mercedes Benz. This was her plea for him to be a little patient with them as she tried to sit on the bike with her baby.  “Aaargh, Nyabo muveeyo.” The old man responded with disgust as he drove on and parked right in front of them blocking what should have been their exit.

My eyes widened at this point. I started dumping all the things I was carrying in the car because now the boda guy was struggling to reverse his bike, let’s actually call it push his bike backwards because these bikes have no reverse gear, over a small hump with the lady and her baby now seated. Evidently it was impossible for him to with the extra load. I walked over to the old gentleman who had already lost all respect from me.  At this point, the lady is getting off the bike because it can’t be pushed back with her and her baby on it.

“Excuse me, please move a little ahead so they can pass.” I said. Kindly note, I went with all the anger to tell him off so I don’t know where all the politeness appeared from.

“He is the one who parked badly, let him find where to pass.” he retorted.

“Surely, he was getting out of the parking spot for the lady to get on.” “Can’t you see that she needed more space since she is carrying a baby?”

“That is not my problem!” he lashed back.

I shook my head as I smirked. I lifted my hands to fold them and just to look at him in disbelief. My heart was raging, my head was collecting itself to give it to him. That is not your what?? Good Lord, I thank for whichever spirit told him to start his car and move forward because I was surely losing my sense of Christianity at that point. The lady and boda guy said thank you as they went by and all I could do was just shake my head….I WAS MAAADDD.

Drove home thinking but why? Why would someone be that inhumane? Who hurt his world so much so that he can’t even be considerate of others? At that age? Why would you be that hostile? What could the problem be?

#Thingsthatmakemyheartache

#WishingIcoulddriveback

#speaktohimmaybe

#maybehejustneedstobeloved

#sohecanloveandbekindtoo